Facebook Etiquette

To tag or not to tag?

Whenever I receive an email from Facebook that begins, "You have been tagged in a photo," I literally break out in a sweat. As I click the link, a large knot forms in the center of my throat and quickly migrates to the pit of my stomach.  Maybe I'm overly sensitive about what gets posted about me, but this is the internet we are talking about. This is the internet where things live forever and photos never die. Is it that difficult to ask someone if it is okay to post pictures before the tagging begins?

I enjoy Facebook and I don't mind photos of me being posted - as long as I am in control of the posting. I wish Facebook had an "approve tag" feature that would allow the taggie to sign off on the photo before sending it live into the internet atmosphere. Unfortunately it is too easy to upload a picture from a wild party, a bad hair day, a snap shot from a cell phone or <gasp> high school.

Since we now live in a digital world we have forgotten what photo albums are for. They are to store the long ago memories that you don't want to forget, but you don't necessarily want to live with now. Occasionally they get pulled out and dusted off to reminisce about old times. Then the albums are put back on the closet shelf - where they belong. They do not get posted for friends of friends of friends to see or take on a new life in the present.

Just recently a horrible picture of my husband was posted by a dear friend of ours. The poster is a great guy, and I know his intent was not malicious. I'm betting he thought that pure comedy would ensue when his 129 Facebook friends got a glimpse of this ridiculous image. My husband tried to make a joke out of it but I know he was less than thrilled that the 59 people on his list would see that extremely unflattering photo (that's 188 direct people). And while Facebook kindly offers an "untag" feature, it's often too late. And when you do "untag," the photo is still out there… lingering. Here's a tip: if you think a photo is hilarious, chances are the person you are about to tag will not. 

I don't believe people are trying to be hurtful when they post unwanted pictures, I just don't think they are thinking about it. It's all in the name of fun and not much thought goes into the tagged person's feelings or the future repercussions a bad photo could have. The internet can essentially be a blueprint for your activities – the good, the bad and the ugly. We live in a "Google" world where it's extremely easy to learn all about someone – even the details that were never meant for the public.

All I’m saying is ask permission first and remember why you are on Facebook to begin with – to build and maintain friendships. It's respectful to ask before tagging and chances are probably good that you'll get the green light to post away.  With a little bit of courtesy and some Facebook etiquette, we can all breathe a little easier when we see those words, "you've been tagged."

Comments

[Gina Chen]

I think you raise a good point. If you tag a photo, it increases who can see it. So my husband and I have agreed not to tag ourselves (or our kids) in photos. But as you point out, you can't stop other people from tagging you.

You're idea about tag approval is a good one.

Recent blog post: The miraculous recovery of my daughter's foot

[Vero]

Great point as I don't like being exposed to the internet world either.

You should all know that Facebook does have a feature that prevents anyone from seeing tagged photos of you. It's under the privacy link. You can customize it to only yourself, which is what I have happily done.